Tarot Reading

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courtastrologer
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Tarot Reading

Post by courtastrologer » Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:22 am

What is my current position on taking responsibility in life

The Devil

It seems that I am helplessly drawn or perhaps even addicted to taking responsibility. I am attracted to relationships where partners do not take responsibility... and where we both carry strong parental projections. Myself and Brendan both experienced the opposite sex parent as terrifying and oppressive.... whilst we have also had personally good relationships with that person (in law) suggesting an underlying similarity.
None of our parents, from where I am looking anyway, took responsibility for how their actions, (whether through aggression or passivity) impacted on the feelings of the children... something that I feel very passionate about now.

Because of the feelings of "PANic" and fear that I still have somewhere inside me... I seem to feel a deep desire to take responsibility for everything, in order to avert disaster.


Where do I take on too much responsibility

Fortune

I think that perhaps that I take on the task of changing the entire family world.... when I cannot change the forces of the universe... destiny is a different thing, and I am only in charge of myself. Who am I to say what is right or wrong about events, the pattern will unfold, probably in a surprising way.... my ego in "knowing best" gets mouthy... when it comes to anything connected to my children.... I would usually keep my opinions on other areas to myself unless asked. :lol:

Where do I avoid responsibility that I need to take

The Two of Disks

Do I avoid the small changes that I need to make in everyday actions? With these three cards, I see Capricorn, Jupiter & then Jupiter in Capricorn.
Expansion and contraction.
The processes of gain and loss that I am experiencing.... physical loss, spiritual gain, are changing me... I need to accept this process.... but am finding it hard. Aging is really challenging. I see my Sun Saturn Jupiter T-Square in this trio of cards.

What historical aspects of my life need to be looked at to help me gain a genuine understanding of responsibility in my life

The Ace of Cups

Childhood, birth, nurturing, spiritual source, opening up to love, experiencing happiness.
I have not had what I would call a very happy life so far. I have had happy moments... the happiest when I was pregnant with India.... something I can remember every time I look at her.
I guess that because I opened my heart, finally, and trusted, she came into being.... I put all my trust in Brendan.... and my children finally appeared....
I feel that I have had an interesting life, a lucky life in many ways, a varied life, a rich life in terms of experiences.... but happiness is an elusive thing for me.... perhaps because I was raised in a home that didn't seem happy.... it soaked into my soul.


What should I focus on in my life to gain balance

The Moon

My Fear of Failure..... one of my long standing motto's is "Failure is not an option" I see now that this may be limiting me.
I know that the path to the sun is through the moon.... but it feels like I may be getting lost in illusion.

Outcome of doing this

The Two of Wands

This card seems rather enigmatic at the end, as if I am going round in circles, which I feel that I am in a way. So through allowing failure, I also allow destruction, which paves the way for new beginnings.

I suppose I am drawn now to how I am "trapped" still in my relationship, even though we are separated, by our close proximity, and our shared parenting. I have to re-think I guess... as I am still trying to resolve a balance of power that is in my own past really, and always have been.

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Emma
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Re: Tarot Reading

Post by Emma » Mon Oct 08, 2018 2:09 pm

courtastrologer wrote:
Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:22 am
What is my current position on taking responsibility in life

The Devil

It seems that I am helplessly drawn or perhaps even addicted to taking responsibility. I am attracted to relationships where partners do not take responsibility... and where we both carry strong parental projections. Myself and Brendan both experienced the opposite sex parent as terrifying and oppressive.... whilst we have also had personally good relationships with that person (in law) suggesting an underlying similarity.
None of our parents, from where I am looking anyway, took responsibility for how their actions, (whether through aggression or passivity) impacted on the feelings of the children... something that I feel very passionate about now.

Because of the feelings of "PANic" and fear that I still have somewhere inside me... I seem to feel a deep desire to take responsibility for everything, in order to avert disaster.
Good interpretation - I wonder whether this panic and fear is connected to the fact that as a child had you not taken responsibility for yourself and your siblings and perhaps for your parents as well - disaster would have actually happened to you or your siblings and it was too much to bear that possibility. Talk to your child perhaps about how you are an adult now and you 'can' take responsibility for her - I wonder too whether there is a need to connect with a part of you that continues not to take responsibility for your child - mirroring in your inner world what happened as a child..
What does it feel like to stand outside of the gamyness of the people on this card - in the position of the goat?
Where do I take on too much responsibility

Fortune

I think that perhaps that I take on the task of changing the entire family world.... when I cannot change the forces of the universe... destiny is a different thing, and I am only in charge of myself. Who am I to say what is right or wrong about events, the pattern will unfold, probably in a surprising way.... my ego in "knowing best" gets mouthy... when it comes to anything connected to my children.... I would usually keep my opinions on other areas to myself unless asked. :lol:
Yes indeed - I was drawn to the idea that you take responsibility for things that are not in your control - 'acts of God' type thing, fated situations and spiritual lessons for others..

Where do I avoid responsibility that I need to take

The Two of Disks

Do I avoid the small changes that I need to make in everyday actions? With these three cards, I see Capricorn, Jupiter & then Jupiter in Capricorn.
Expansion and contraction.
The processes of gain and loss that I am experiencing.... physical loss, spiritual gain, are changing me... I need to accept this process.... but am finding it hard. Aging is really challenging. I see my Sun Saturn Jupiter T-Square in this trio of cards.
Yes interesting astrological links here. I am struck by the ability for capricorn to set boundaries and be responsible matched against Jupiters 'overdoing expansion' which I am sure you are seeing here.. Perhaps you avoid the responsibility of saying no, setting a boundary, in situations which seemingly are jovial - I am reminded about the comment on an earlier post about not wanting to argue/have conflict, perhaps a boundary is needed which will provoke conflict initially, but like capricorn is useful to set boundaries on Jupiter, here in 2 disks this conflict and continual adaptation is perhaps whats needed.

Something you may find interesting and perhaps resonates here too.. When I first read this post I had also recently come across a powerful link with this card and the very early years of life. The bonding between mother and child at breastfeeding time - This is a time where oneness is the appropriate bonding feeling, and often this link is not fully fulfilled. Consequently what is sometimes seen in later life in relationships is the desire for merging with another in a kind of oneness that was missed at this early stage. So we feel strongly linked to those with weak emotional boundaries, or with similar patterns or drives to experience oneness. We may draw patterns of enmeshment in relationship to us. It can also relate to the psychoactive drugs and how these experiences can lead to the oneness being sought. On this card we see the oroborus which is symbolic of these early years of bonding and oneness where the child is completely immersed with mother and if mother is doing this part well, she is aiming to address the child's needs as they ever change, needs that are intuited well through enmeshment. Some mothers however have not been able to offer this early form of safety and comfort, for instance a narcissistic mother will be trying to make baby fit with her needs rather than 'reading' the babys needs and validating them, or an absent mother, emotionally or physically will not be connected enough for baby to feel safe (though another adult may take on the function). So the changability of this card and the feeling of being able to 'surf the waves' can come from the consistency of the oneness at the early part of life.. I don't know if this resonates with you at all but I thought it might be useful to consider.. I also feel the 2 wands (which comes up for you at the end of this reading, is in a sense the resolution of this early need on a physical level to a place where conflict and individuality becomes a strength and power rather than the feeling here of needing to respond to every changing need that arises.
What historical aspects of my life need to be looked at to help me gain a genuine understanding of responsibility in my life

The Ace of Cups

Childhood, birth, nurturing, spiritual source, opening up to love, experiencing happiness.
I have not had what I would call a very happy life so far. I have had happy moments... the happiest when I was pregnant with India.... something I can remember every time I look at her.
I guess that because I opened my heart, finally, and trusted, she came into being.... I put all my trust in Brendan.... and my children finally appeared....
I feel that I have had an interesting life, a lucky life in many ways, a varied life, a rich life in terms of experiences.... but happiness is an elusive thing for me.... perhaps because I was raised in a home that didn't seem happy.... it soaked into my soul.
This perhaps also references the early years I mention above. Also it is connected with self love and I have a sense of your need to put your responsibility into looking after your inner child first then looking outwards to what other responsibilities you are prepared to take on and which not.

What should I focus on in my life to gain balance

The Moon

My Fear of Failure..... one of my long standing motto's is "Failure is not an option" I see now that this may be limiting me.
I know that the path to the sun is through the moon.... but it feels like I may be getting lost in illusion.
I wonder whether this is also related to the giving up of needing to know the outcome - in moonlight you can see the next step or two but not the whole path, so perhaps sitting with not knowing how something will turn out is part of your path to balance, like you say - allowing the possibility of failure - or 'disaster' to happen..
Outcome of doing this

The Two of Wands

This card seems rather enigmatic at the end, as if I am going round in circles, which I feel that I am in a way. So through allowing failure, I also allow destruction, which paves the way for new beginnings.

I suppose I am drawn now to how I am "trapped" still in my relationship, even though we are separated, by our close proximity, and our shared parenting. I have to re-think I guess... as I am still trying to resolve a balance of power that is in my own past really, and always have been.
As I mention above this card is often about conflict - but a battle that is evenly and 'responsibly' fought. Standing up for oneself, ones beliefs and being authentic. Respecting the other and having a fair fight. Usually both parties come out having benefited from the 'discussion' which ever side 'wins', the engaging in the conflict was the needed thing - I wonder if this is the message here for you.

Good reading Joanna, your awareness is good - I add my comments for your consideration - as always only take what resonates with you..

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courtastrologer
Posts: 167
Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2014 8:31 pm
What decks do you use?: Thoth

Re: Tarot Reading

Post by courtastrologer » Mon Oct 08, 2018 6:53 pm

Emma wrote:
Mon Oct 08, 2018 2:09 pm
courtastrologer wrote:
Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:22 am
What is my current position on taking responsibility in life

The Devil

It seems that I am helplessly drawn or perhaps even addicted to taking responsibility. I am attracted to relationships where partners do not take responsibility... and where we both carry strong parental projections. Myself and Brendan both experienced the opposite sex parent as terrifying and oppressive.... whilst we have also had personally good relationships with that person (in law) suggesting an underlying similarity.
None of our parents, from where I am looking anyway, took responsibility for how their actions, (whether through aggression or passivity) impacted on the feelings of the children... something that I feel very passionate about now.

Because of the feelings of "PANic" and fear that I still have somewhere inside me... I seem to feel a deep desire to take responsibility for everything, in order to avert disaster.
Good interpretation - I wonder whether this panic and fear is connected to the fact that as a child had you not taken responsibility for yourself and your siblings and perhaps for your parents as well - disaster would have actually happened to you or your siblings and it was too much to bear that possibility. Talk to your child perhaps about how you are an adult now and you 'can' take responsibility for her - I wonder too whether there is a need to connect with a part of you that continues not to take responsibility for your child - mirroring in your inner world what happened as a child..
What does it feel like to stand outside of the gamyness of the people on this card - in the position of the goat?
I definitely think that the "disaster" that I sensed.... was in many ways, as my mother did say, a long time ago, something to do with the war. Both of them were young children, my mother only a baby, in the last War. They themselves were born into a time of terror, annihilation and death, and my maternal grandmother was born right at the outbreak of World War 1... she was even known in her family as The War Baby. I was born into the Sixties, it was in many ways "the end of the world" as we knew it. Through the constellation work that I have done, I can definitely get a feeling that my perception/sensitivity to "the collective", was extremely acute....the forces that are beyond our control.... and I see too that this could be reflected in the card of The Devil.... the little humans at the bottom.... completely powerless in the greater games of war, on all levels, that go on in the world. I can see how my parents may have felt powerless in their own selves, having to look away from all the bloodshed that was still so close to them.... how do you build a life on that kind of foundation? I can understand how it might have been...and also am aware that I could well have been picking all that up. My search for "meaning" began at a very early age.... I do still have difficulty connecting with my inner child... I am trying though, and am trying the "fake it til you make it" idea. Im dancing to 70's disco on a mini trampoline most days, for my heart... but its fun too :lol: :lol:

Where do I take on too much responsibility

Fortune

I think that perhaps that I take on the task of changing the entire family world.... when I cannot change the forces of the universe... destiny is a different thing, and I am only in charge of myself. Who am I to say what is right or wrong about events, the pattern will unfold, probably in a surprising way.... my ego in "knowing best" gets mouthy... when it comes to anything connected to my children.... I would usually keep my opinions on other areas to myself unless asked. :lol:
Yes indeed - I was drawn to the idea that you take responsibility for things that are not in your control - 'acts of God' type thing, fated situations and spiritual lessons for others..

Where do I avoid responsibility that I need to take

The Two of Disks

Do I avoid the small changes that I need to make in everyday actions? With these three cards, I see Capricorn, Jupiter & then Jupiter in Capricorn.
Expansion and contraction.
The processes of gain and loss that I am experiencing.... physical loss, spiritual gain, are changing me... I need to accept this process.... but am finding it hard. Aging is really challenging. I see my Sun Saturn Jupiter T-Square in this trio of cards.
Yes interesting astrological links here. I am struck by the ability for capricorn to set boundaries and be responsible matched against Jupiters 'overdoing expansion' which I am sure you are seeing here.. Perhaps you avoid the responsibility of saying no, setting a boundary, in situations which seemingly are jovial - I am reminded about the comment on an earlier post about not wanting to argue/have conflict, perhaps a boundary is needed which will provoke conflict initially, but like capricorn is useful to set boundaries on Jupiter, here in 2 disks this conflict and continual adaptation is perhaps whats needed.
Yes, I like that idea.... I'm not very good with non-physical boundaries.... and yes, definitely try to keep things non-conflict usually at the detriment of myself....
Something you may find interesting and perhaps resonates here too.. When I first read this post I had also recently come across a powerful link with this card and the very early years of life. The bonding between mother and child at breastfeeding time - This is a time where oneness is the appropriate bonding feeling, and often this link is not fully fulfilled. Consequently what is sometimes seen in later life in relationships is the desire for merging with another in a kind of oneness that was missed at this early stage. So we feel strongly linked to those with weak emotional boundaries, or with similar patterns or drives to experience oneness. We may draw patterns of enmeshment in relationship to us. It can also relate to the psychoactive drugs and how these experiences can lead to the oneness being sought. On this card we see the oroborus which is symbolic of these early years of bonding and oneness where the child is completely immersed with mother and if mother is doing this part well, she is aiming to address the child's needs as they ever change, needs that are intuited well through enmeshment. Some mothers however have not been able to offer this early form of safety and comfort, for instance a narcissistic mother will be trying to make baby fit with her needs rather than 'reading' the babys needs and validating them, or an absent mother, emotionally or physically will not be connected enough for baby to feel safe (though another adult may take on the function). So the changability of this card and the feeling of being able to 'surf the waves' can come from the consistency of the oneness at the early part of life.. I don't know if this resonates with you at all but I thought it might be useful to consider.. I also feel the 2 wands (which comes up for you at the end of this reading, is in a sense the resolution of this early need on a physical level to a place where conflict and individuality becomes a strength and power rather than the feeling here of needing to respond to every changing need that arises.
This is interesting.... yes, I can see that I definitely have felt a need to "respond to every changing need that arises" this is my "modus operandi" !!! :o I clocked something about breastfeeding a short while ago too....Brendan is the third of 3 boys, and then a girl comes 4th. None of the boys were breast fed, and they all have addiction issues. My sister was the third child, and she was not breastfed, whilst my brother and I were. She was the one with addiction issues. Saying that, I am not sure that my mother was really present for any of us... she is not a "huggy" woman... and never really liked cuddling us as such... not very demonstrative... we walked a lot.... walked and sang.... with dogs, through lanes, on the beach.... she was always moving and doing.... cooking, baking, bread, preserving, gardening, sewing... you name it, she did it.... she was a great inspiration.... but cuddling... it stopped too soon.

The Two of Wands has been stalking me for 3 years....

What historical aspects of my life need to be looked at to help me gain a genuine understanding of responsibility in my life

The Ace of Cups

Childhood, birth, nurturing, spiritual source, opening up to love, experiencing happiness.
I have not had what I would call a very happy life so far. I have had happy moments... the happiest when I was pregnant with India.... something I can remember every time I look at her.
I guess that because I opened my heart, finally, and trusted, she came into being.... I put all my trust in Brendan.... and my children finally appeared....
I feel that I have had an interesting life, a lucky life in many ways, a varied life, a rich life in terms of experiences.... but happiness is an elusive thing for me.... perhaps because I was raised in a home that didn't seem happy.... it soaked into my soul.
This perhaps also references the early years I mention above. Also it is connected with self love and I have a sense of your need to put your responsibility into looking after your inner child first then looking outwards to what other responsibilities you are prepared to take on and which not.

What should I focus on in my life to gain balance

The Moon

My Fear of Failure..... one of my long standing motto's is "Failure is not an option" I see now that this may be limiting me.
I know that the path to the sun is through the moon.... but it feels like I may be getting lost in illusion.
I wonder whether this is also related to the giving up of needing to know the outcome - in moonlight you can see the next step or two but not the whole path, so perhaps sitting with not knowing how something will turn out is part of your path to balance, like you say - allowing the possibility of failure - or 'disaster' to happen..
Yes.... I see this, the fear of allowing disaster.... total family breakdown. Brendan and I not talking. The children suffering. The consequences of our actions.
Outcome of doing this

The Two of Wands

This card seems rather enigmatic at the end, as if I am going round in circles, which I feel that I am in a way. So through allowing failure, I also allow destruction, which paves the way for new beginnings.

I suppose I am drawn now to how I am "trapped" still in my relationship, even though we are separated, by our close proximity, and our shared parenting. I have to re-think I guess... as I am still trying to resolve a balance of power that is in my own past really, and always have been.
As I mention above this card is often about conflict - but a battle that is evenly and 'responsibly' fought. Standing up for oneself, ones beliefs and being authentic. Respecting the other and having a fair fight. Usually both parties come out having benefited from the 'discussion' which ever side 'wins', the engaging in the conflict was the needed thing - I wonder if this is the message here for you.
I will see, I guess on Thursday. New Moon in Libra, middle decan, The Three of Swords, Contracts. :roll:
Good reading Joanna, your awareness is good - I add my comments for your consideration - as always only take what resonates with you..

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Emma
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Posts: 2698
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2009 3:20 pm
What decks do you use?: Thoth, Sacred Circle, Individuum, Margaret Peterson
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Re: Tarot Reading

Post by Emma » Tue Oct 09, 2018 10:59 am

Thank you for all your further comments here - I have snipped some now and just responded where I have felt drawn to do so.
courtastrologer wrote:
Mon Oct 08, 2018 6:53 pm

Good interpretation - I wonder whether this panic and fear is connected to the fact that as a child had you not taken responsibility for yourself and your siblings and perhaps for your parents as well - disaster would have actually happened to you or your siblings and it was too much to bear that possibility. Talk to your child perhaps about how you are an adult now and you 'can' take responsibility for her - I wonder too whether there is a need to connect with a part of you that continues not to take responsibility for your child - mirroring in your inner world what happened as a child..
What does it feel like to stand outside of the gamyness of the people on this card - in the position of the goat?
I definitely think that the "disaster" that I sensed.... was in many ways, as my mother did say, a long time ago, something to do with the war. Both of them were young children, my mother only a baby, in the last War. They themselves were born into a time of terror, annihilation and death, and my maternal grandmother was born right at the outbreak of World War 1... she was even known in her family as The War Baby. I was born into the Sixties, it was in many ways "the end of the world" as we knew it. Through the constellation work that I have done, I can definitely get a feeling that my perception/sensitivity to "the collective", was extremely acute....the forces that are beyond our control.... and I see too that this could be reflected in the card of The Devil.... the little humans at the bottom.... completely powerless in the greater games of war, on all levels, that go on in the world. I can see how my parents may have felt powerless in their own selves, having to look away from all the bloodshed that was still so close to them.... how do you build a life on that kind of foundation? I can understand how it might have been...and also am aware that I could well have been picking all that up. My search for "meaning" began at a very early age.... I do still have difficulty connecting with my inner child... I am trying though, and am trying the "fake it til you make it" idea. Im dancing to 70's disco on a mini trampoline most days, for my heart... but its fun too :lol: :lol:
As I mentioned before you have a good awareness of the trans-generational aspects here. Excellent that you are playing on the trampoline! Wonderful!


Where do I avoid responsibility that I need to take


Something you may find interesting and perhaps resonates here too.. When I first read this post I had also recently come across a powerful link with this card and the very early years of life. The bonding between mother and child at breastfeeding time - This is a time where oneness is the appropriate bonding feeling, and often this link is not fully fulfilled. Consequently what is sometimes seen in later life in relationships is the desire for merging with another in a kind of oneness that was missed at this early stage. So we feel strongly linked to those with weak emotional boundaries, or with similar patterns or drives to experience oneness. We may draw patterns of enmeshment in relationship to us. It can also relate to the psychoactive drugs and how these experiences can lead to the oneness being sought. On this card we see the oroborus which is symbolic of these early years of bonding and oneness where the child is completely immersed with mother and if mother is doing this part well, she is aiming to address the child's needs as they ever change, needs that are intuited well through enmeshment. Some mothers however have not been able to offer this early form of safety and comfort, for instance a narcissistic mother will be trying to make baby fit with her needs rather than 'reading' the babys needs and validating them, or an absent mother, emotionally or physically will not be connected enough for baby to feel safe (though another adult may take on the function). So the changability of this card and the feeling of being able to 'surf the waves' can come from the consistency of the oneness at the early part of life.. I don't know if this resonates with you at all but I thought it might be useful to consider.. I also feel the 2 wands (which comes up for you at the end of this reading, is in a sense the resolution of this early need on a physical level to a place where conflict and individuality becomes a strength and power rather than the feeling here of needing to respond to every changing need that arises.
This is interesting.... yes, I can see that I definitely have felt a need to "respond to every changing need that arises" this is my "modus operandi" !!! :o I clocked something about breastfeeding a short while ago too....Brendan is the third of 3 boys, and then a girl comes 4th. None of the boys were breast fed, and they all have addiction issues. My sister was the third child, and she was not breastfed, whilst my brother and I were. She was the one with addiction issues. Saying that, I am not sure that my mother was really present for any of us... she is not a "huggy" woman... and never really liked cuddling us as such... not very demonstrative... we walked a lot.... walked and sang.... with dogs, through lanes, on the beach.... she was always moving and doing.... cooking, baking, bread, preserving, gardening, sewing... you name it, she did it.... she was a great inspiration.... but cuddling... it stopped too soon.

The Two of Wands has been stalking me for 3 years....
Thats a good connection with addiction here, and indeed the absence generally having almost a similar result, those unmet needs are a string drive in us, meeting this in ourselves is the key to this though and indeed the 2 wands.. Sounds like finally you will be embracing the 2 wands energy shortly! :D

Outcome of doing this

The Two of Wands

This card seems rather enigmatic at the end, as if I am going round in circles, which I feel that I am in a way. So through allowing failure, I also allow destruction, which paves the way for new beginnings.

I suppose I am drawn now to how I am "trapped" still in my relationship, even though we are separated, by our close proximity, and our shared parenting. I have to re-think I guess... as I am still trying to resolve a balance of power that is in my own past really, and always have been.
As I mention above this card is often about conflict - but a battle that is evenly and 'responsibly' fought. Standing up for oneself, ones beliefs and being authentic. Respecting the other and having a fair fight. Usually both parties come out having benefited from the 'discussion' which ever side 'wins', the engaging in the conflict was the needed thing - I wonder if this is the message here for you.
I will see, I guess on Thursday. New Moon in Libra, middle decan, The Three of Swords, Contracts. :roll:
Good luck with it.. let me know how it goes.. Perhaps take the 2 wands energy with you - or journey into this card for some help with how to embrace this energy in your meeting together on Thurs.

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